i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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