Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
