I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize