dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
