Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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