Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
