Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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