Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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