Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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