Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
