Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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