I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Green mimosas i think yes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
