i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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