My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
