i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
