I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
