Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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