one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
