That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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