Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
