My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
