fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
