it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
