dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Michael Bay diarrhea
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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