I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
