; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
