can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my shit smells like andre
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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