smell my finger.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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