At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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