He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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