O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
