Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
