Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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