Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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