you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
