I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
