i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
And then he peed in my hair
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