i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
