i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
