I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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