You can't special order awesome
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is it because I queefed?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
