i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why do cheetos always look like penises
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
