Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
