God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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