You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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