so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
