Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
