I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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