By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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