The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
