You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
