So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have tasted many bathrooms
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
