I'm eating all of the evidence.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
