I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
