you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
