if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
