Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
