dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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