I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
