from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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