He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
