What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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