Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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