I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
only if we run a train.
done.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
