now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she peed on how many people?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
