Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
