apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
