she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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