The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
