Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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