So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
