i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
