I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
