I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
