I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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