That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
