if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
