I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
