The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it penis luge time yet?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
