You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize