im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
where are you?
Hypothermia
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
