I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
