STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
