I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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