You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
