Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
