I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
