just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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