I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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