just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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