My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
