I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
