Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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