Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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