I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
