what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
