Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
